I am really easy not to motivate – all you have to do is tell me I ‘have to’ do something and instantly I am demotivated. To make me even less motivated, tell me I’m lazy, stupid, need to buckle down, am at fault for everything wrong with my life and a total loser. Make sure you don’t give me any praise or encouragement, and keep my nose firmly pinned to the grindstone. Let all achievements go by unrecognised, and make sure all attention is focused on what has not been done. And to make sure I am not at all motivated, repeat ad nauseum.
Of course, if you do this to me, I will probably stop talking to you at all. But guess who has been doing that to me? Yep, you guessed it – it’s the worst boss I ever had. Me. I’m quite lucky that I have been working on myself for a few years, so I recognised this behaviour quite quickly. I also made myself laugh because I said aloud to myself ‘you know, that is NOT the way to motivate me’.
Funny isn’t it, how we do this to ourselves? Especially when you stop and look at it and see that it just doesn’t work. I’m working on my first ‘proper’ (for sale) ebook, and it’s going really well – but you wouldn’t know that if you heard my internal dialogue. I’m only missing a whip and some chains for my desk, and I’d be a slave-master. The interesting thing is that this demotivating behaviour has the exact opposite effect to the desired outcome. Instead of getting me to finish up faster, it slows me down.
So today I was thinking, if I really wanted me to finish quickly, what would I do? I would focus on the fact that I’m really close to the finish line, I would remind myself of the feedback I’ve had so far – all really good – I would ask myself what I need to make sure I get it done (good food, rest, peace, time to work, a clear mind). I wouldn’t keep telling myself I ‘have to’ do it, heckle myself for not having done 73 hours a day and finishing 6 months ago.
The bizarre thing is that I know that the delays my inner slave driver is getting worked up over have served to make this project BETTER. Much better. It’s almost as if I am slowing myself down by being nasty to me…to allow myself to complete the project in perfect time. Wouldn’t that be so much easier if I were to just allow myself to complete the project in perfect time without any of the heckling, stressing, and whipping? What a radical thought.
Something to play with
If someone was going to NOT motivate you, what would they need to do? Do you recognise any of that behaviour – do you do it to yourself? Resolve now to change your behaviour from ‘how not to motivate’ to giving yourself what you need to move forward with your life – joyfully, happily and easily.
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A note from Donna
Well, it’s been a great week for my January e-mail coaching offer – seems like it has struck a chord with many of you. If you haven’t seen it yet, go to https://donnaonthebeach.com/blog/index.php/coaching/special-offers/. It’s great for me too – I love the flexibility of e-mail coaching, and the fact that you can address so many areas at once. It also gives me a chance to connect more deeply with you guys, which is always good.