I was talking to a friend last week about going to the inquest into my uncle’s death – which I don’t want to do. So why are you going then, she asked? Excellent question…and the answer is that I don’t know. Actually, I am now not going to go, because as Claire most excellently reminded me, I don’t want to! Why was I going to go? Simply put: Duty. I felt it was my duty to my family to go.
It was quite amusing to me to realise what I was doing, because I will rarely do anything I don’t want to do…unless I feel it is my duty to do so! I am obviously a very well brought up girl. What are you doing that you don’t want to do out of duty? Attending the Christmas work party every year even though you never want to go and have better things to do? Going to the 80th birthday party of Great Aunt Maude, who you haven’t seen since you were 5? Doing the usual ‘Friday nighter’ even though you are shattered and skint?
What about your duty to yourself? To your health and happiness? Robert Louis Stevenson said “There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.” To do the particular duty of going to this inquest, I would be actively making myself unhappy. In order to ‘do right’ by my family! It’s insane, and incidentally, they are not bothered that I don’t want to go. Maybe your duties aren’t quite so horrible, but check with yourself why you are doing them.
Is it because you feel you must or you will be rejected in some way? Or is it because you genuinely want to do it? If you’re anything like me, part of the reason you don’t want to do it is because you feel you have to! Pure contrariness. Or we make up that ‘so and so would be unhappy’ if we didn’t do something. For my part, I would rather my friends and family said no to me, rather than do something for me just because they think they have to!
I’m a big girl, I can take a ‘no’ – after all, I say it often enough. It may be too much to simply say ‘no’ to a duty you’ve already agreed to, but once you realise that you do not want to do something, you can change things around so that you can also do your duty to yourself. I’m still traveling to London with my Mom for the inquest, but while they are at the hearing, I will be either spending time with my cousin, or being a tourist in London. I’m sure my uncle won’t mind I’m not making a misery of myself on his account.
– Something To Play With –
What duties do you have to your work, your family, your friends? What do you do ‘out of duty’ (maybe even automatically)? Do you really want to do this? If your only duty was to your own health and happiness, what would change for you? Want to share how this article affects you? Leave me a comment below.
– The Personal Bit –
I’ve had a very productive week this week – for the last year I’ve been playing with ideas of books and courses I could create to help those who do not want one to one coaching. And I am finally making some progress! It’s amazing how much you can get done when you set a timer and leave your e-mail/internet alone for a few hours. My free ebook will be finished by the end of this month…and you guys will be the first to get a copy – it’s the biggest secret in happiness…and after that teaser, you will just have to wait…