I had a funny conversation with a client this week. She was disappointed about not getting an opportunity and felt she’d failed. So far, so understandable, right?
But it was an opportunity she didn’t want.
To me, not getting the opportunity you didn’t want to get in the first place is the very definition of success! Where is the failure in not getting something you don’t want?!
Within seconds, we’d turned the sense of failure into a celebration of success. But it got me thinking how narrow our definition of success is.
It’s getting the job, or the partner, or the opportunity.
It’s selling a million books.
It’s making 7 figures.
It’s the thing with the trophy.
It’s coming first.
It’s getting straight A’s.
Everything else is failure. But that’s bollocks.
Maybe the job/partner/opportunity was wrong for you, so success is not getting them.
Maybe showing up day after day after day to write your book is success?
Maybe making £10 is success?
Maybe the people who participated but didn’t get the trophy also succeeded?
Maybe the person who came last also succeeded by showing up and running the race?
Maybe getting a B or a c or a D is success?
There’s a funny ‘motivational’ thing going on. You have to attain this external badge of honour to be seen to succeed. But that’s crap. Sure if you get the sales, the income, the A’s, the trophies, that’s great. But if you don’t, maybe you still have successes to celebrate?
I did the Moonwalk (a night time walking marathon in London for Breast Cancer) in over 8 hours. It wasn’t a world beating time, but I still got a medal BECAUSE I WALKED 26.2 LONG AND EXHAUSTING BLOODY MILES. And even if I’d dropped out (as I was very tempted to do) at 16, 20 or 22 miles, I’d have still succeeded in showing up, raising money and walking fucking miles.
My first ebook sold 80 copies in 7 years. Not a roaring success in literary terms. Or financial terms. But the successes were: I showed up day after day and wrote the book. I sold 80. I found a platform to publish on (Smashwords). This was in the days before the Kindle, before anyone knew what an ebook was – I spent more time selling the concept than the book itself. I was on the cutting edge of technology. And as my friend pointed out to me “You wrote a fucking book, Donna”. Excellent point, well made.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t strive for the trophy, for the million sales, for the marathon in record time…if that puts wind beneath your wings, go for it. But I am saying, don’t make that the ONLY definition of success. Don’t make it so that you only have a tiny bullseye to hit, or you’ve failed.
Celebrate hitting the dart board. Celebrate turning up. Celebrate trying. Celebrate writing the book, taking the steps, doing the work. Celebrate everything you learned in the process. Celebrate the success you’re experiencing, even if that’s ‘small’ success. Celebrate 80 sales. Celebrate 8+ hours of walking endless bloody miles.
Instead of seeing success as one specific achievement, and failure as everything else, see failure as not turning up, not trying…and everything else is success.
Success is more than one specific outcome.
Success is taking the first step to the life you want.
Success is turning up over and over again.
Success is getting up when you’ve fallen down.
Success is every damn step you took on the way, not just that last one.
Success is taking every “failure” and using the feedback to do better next time.
Success is how much fun you’re having along the way.
So even if you don’t have a trophy for being Mistress of the Universe, selling 60 million books, making £46,000,000,000, winning the race and getting straight A’s, celebrate your successes anyway.
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