This week, I got love on my mind. But not the love covered by intimate dinners, big cards and a profusion of red hearts all over the place.
I’m thinking Self-love.
The Valentine’s kissy-kissy love is all fabulous…but I also want you to be making sure you’re loving yourself, whether you’re loved-up or single.
Because your relationship with yourself is the most intense, deepest, longest, and most important you will ever have.
You’re the only relationship you cannot get away from, and if you love yourself, this will give you such strength, joy, and confidence.
So here are 14 self-love exercises for you to play with to help you deepen that love.
Do one, do them all, have fun with them. If your self-love is a little on the low side, some of these might feel kinda confronting. If that’s how you feel, don’t worry about it – just pick an exercise that doesn’t bring you out in hives! (I suggest #10.)
- 1. Finish this sentence at least 3 times (go for 14 if you want extra points!): Because I love myself…
- 2. Finish this sentence at least 3 times (go for 14 if you want extra points!): I love myself even though (whatever you have done wrong). I love doing this one when my inner critic is going crazy – I love myself even though I’m still not well; I love myself even though I can only manage 3 hours of work at the moment etc.
- 3. Give yourself something lovely (flowers, chocs, a gift, some time, a trip to a favourite place)
- 4, Look in the mirror and say I love you. Do it every time you see a mirror,
- 5. Look in the mirror and sing yourself a love song (this can be awkward at first but if you can get over the embarrassment, it is surprisingly impactful and fun).
- 6. Give yourself some loving touch with a hand, foot, face, or everywhere you can touch massage.
- 7. Book yourself a date to do your favourite thing (feel free to include a favourite person). This doesn’t have to be a big deal, it could just be an hour in the bath reading a book.
- 8. Give yourself a pep talk. Think of something you want to do or be and spend a few minutes telling yourself that you can do it, that you are wonderful, that you are unstoppably fabulous. If you write it down, you can keep it and look at it again when you’re feeling low.
- 9. Talk to your body with love. For example “I love you, arms, because you do so much for me all day long, including helping me communicate, eat, drink, drive, read, brush my teeth, wipe my…” Ok, you get the idea, right?
- 10. Strut. Put a strutty kinda song on (anything by Beyonce or ‘The Man’ by the Killers work well) and strut, like you OWN the place, like a catwalk model being paid £1 million just to show up and walk. (Or like Beyonce herself, that woman can strut!)
- 11. Give yourself a hug. Wrap your arms around yourself and cuddle.
- 12. Recognise what you need right now and do that. For example, as I was writing this, I realised I was starting to get brain fry (convalescence problems) so I walked away for 5 minutes to breathe and get some air. Better now.
- 13. That thing that you constantly criticise yourself for? Stop. For 24 hours. Whenever those self-critical thoughts come up, interrupt them. Say “no” or “I love myself anyway” or “fuck it”. Stop yourself running that old script of criticism any way you can. You may want to carry it on for more than 24 hours. Up to you.
- 14. Be kind to yourself. Most of us are so hard on ourselves, but I know you are doing your best. (And if it seems like you’re not, you’re probably worn out by life so your best is not as good as it would be if you were energised, healthy and full of life. The point is, you’re still doing the best you can.) So be kind. Always.
Remember, some of these exercises can be confronting if you’re closer to self-loathing than self-loving on the scale.
So start with the ones that are less confronting or the ones that are only a bit confronting.
And it is self-loving to allow yourself to just do a little bit, nod and smile over the rest and then delete the e-mail without beating yourself up over how well you’ve done.
Let me know how you get on, or what resistance you have to this (I’m writing a book on this later in the year, so I am so keen to hear your experience with these exercises, whether you loved them or loathed them).
Wishing you a life of love this week and every week.
