This article is a fictional conversation between a coach and a client.
It was first written in May – mid lockdown in the UK, but it’s still just as relevant now.
This fictional conversation is an amalgamation of several conversations I had in April, May and beyond.
Do you recognise anything in this chat?
Client: What’s wrong with me? I’m all over the place.
Me: Er scary killer virus? Lockdown? Economic uncertainty? Friends being ill/in hospital/dying?
Client: Yeah, but other people are worse off, I’m ok, it’s not so bad really.
Me: Hmm. Ok, tell me how it’s affecting you?
C: Well everyone is home all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. Shopping is a nightmare – scary and no fun. Money is ok now but if this goes on longer, well…it’s a worry. I have been quite anxious. I’m not sleeping. I’m worried about my mom. I miss my friends. I really just want to be able to go for coffee, to hug my friends and family, to go to the shop without it being a military exercise. I’m really hating this whole situation.
Me: Could this explain why you’re all over the place?
Client: Well, I suppose I am being a bit pathetic…
Me: Wait! Totally not what I said!! Would you be this harsh if your best friend said all this?
C: Of course not, but that’s different.
Me: ?????
C: Er, yeah maybe I am being a little harsh on myself!
Me: Ya think? Ok, so how would you respond if your best friend said all this?
C: I’d tell her not to be so hard on herself. And of course she’s feeling crazy right now. It’s normal to feel crazy in crazy times right?
Me: Ok, so let’s start this again. With self-love. How are you feeling?
C: I’m all over the place. It’s getting on top of me. All the fear, anxiety, worry, weirdness are really getting me down now. Understandably.
Me: Quite. How does it feel when you have love and compassion for yourself?
C: Better. I realise it’s OK to be all over the place. And I know what you’re going to say next.
Me: ?
C: How is my self-care? And you’re right, it’s not good. I’ve let it slip in favour of keeping myself busy, but now I’m exhausted.
Me: Excellent. Not that you’re exhausted, that you know what’s contributed to that exhaustion. So let’s talk about how we get you back to good…
Hearing from many of you over the past months, the theme that keeps coming up is that it not being ok to feel how you’re feeling.
Those who are having a good time feel guilty.
Those who are having a bad time feel silly/weak/like they shouldn’t feel that way.
What if was OK to feel however you’re feeling?
What if it was OK to have a good day, even a great day?
What if it was OK to have a wobble or 600?
What if there was no right way to feel in an unprecedented situation?
It helps no one for you to deny how you feel or feel guilty.
It helps no one for you to pretend you’re ok when you’re not or pretend you’re not ok when you are.
All it does is make you feel worse, either because you’re falling apart inside or because you’re trying to pull yourself down to bad.
Don’t do that to yourself.
If you’re not feeling good, pay attention to your self-care (there’s a 5 video series in my Facebook group to help you take care of ALL of you, come check it out).
If you are feeling good, enjoy it! Celebrate it, allow yourself to feel it fully. Never deny yourself a moment of joy, even in times of crazy, killer viruses.
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