OnTheBeach: When The Critical Voice Goes Bananas

So, as you guys know, I have been busy over the past 3 weeks riding Wild Donkeys. Among the many things I noticed, perhaps the most striking was how nuts the critical voice in my head (my inner critic) went while I was Wild Donkey Riding. I have trained my inner critic over the years to use her insight and razor-sharp observation skills to big me up not knock me down. And in general, I know that when she gets bitchy, it’s because she is tired and un-cared for. She’s like my ‘self-care guardian’. So together, we have worked out how to make sure she is working FOR me, not against me.

But then came the Wild Donkey Riding, and all of a sudden she went bananas! There was criticism galore “You can’t do this”; “You didn’t start early enough”; “You are lazy”; “This is never going to work”; “you’ve done 2 days and that’s ALL you’ve done? You suck”; “It’s just not good enough”; “stop having fun creating, this is serious business” (it’s not, by the way!) and pretty much every version of “You Suck” that you can think of.

It was not exactly conducive to Riding Wild Donkeys – the creation of new products needs creativity (not helped by inner criticism); inspiration (drowned out by inner criticism); focus (dispersed by inner criticism) and a clear mind (cluttered by “You Suck”). Even when I managed to get on a Donkey (project) to ride it, I was soon thrown off by the barrage of inner criticism. It cost me time, energy and emotion. It is exhausting to try to protect yourself from that kind of assault from the critical voice!

The easiest thing to do would be to stop trying to Ride Wild Donkeys, to give up, to forget all about taking my projects forward in a targeted manner and go back to chipping away at it. The benefit of that is that the inner critic gets less riled by just doing a little bit at a time. The downside is that is what I’ve been doing for the last 5 years…and in that time, I’ve completed 2 projects. Not what I’m looking for, so not an option! What do you do when your inner critic goes bananas? Do you stop whatever it is you were trying to do, or make it less scary for the inner critic by just doing a little bit?

Depending on what you want to do, that might work. It’s certainly easier. But in some cases, it’s the worst thing you can do. The inner critic gets so fired up because she wants to protect you. And if there’s lions, tigers and bears in the vicinity, that is helpful. But the rest of the time, we just need her to pipe down and let us get on with some stuff! In my review of Wild Donkey Riding last week, I suggested giving the Inner Critic the day off – let her go to a spa and chill for the day while you go do some scary stuff.

But, the inner critic does have some valuable insight to share with us. Much as I talked about impatience and frustration having something to teach us a few weeks ago, your inner critic also has a positive side. She wants to protect you, she wants you to be safe, she wants you to do your best. The way she goes about it is kind of counter-productive, but we need to train her to protect us and help us in a way that actually works. Once we’ve done that, it’s up to us
to notice what sets her off!

As I said earlier, when my Inner Critic starts going off on one, it’s usually because she’s feeling uncared for…and it’s my job to see that and take care of me. But when we start to push the edges of our comfort zone, that will also set off the critical voice because the inner critic is afraid. If you can learn to hear her without taking her criticism on board, you can use that reaction to help you rather than hindering you. You can find the bruises your Inner Critic is pushing on and heal them. You can discover if something you’re doing can be done in a better way. You can let your inner critic be heard (as with most of us, once she feels heard, she will settle down!)

Let’s start with the bruise pushing. If someone called you a blueberry, you’d just think they were mad, but if they press on a bruise and say what you’re creating sucks, you react. They’re doing you a favour pointing out the problem YOU have so you can solve that problem. Firstly, though, you have to seperate the rubbish from the gold. For example, my Inner Critic’s comment that I shouldn’t have fun while creating is utter tripe. The equivalent of calling me a blueberry. It’s just absurd. Not hurtful at all. But the bit about what I was creating not being good enough pushed directly on a bruise for me, which helped me see 2 things: 1. I needed to remind myself WHY I was creating what I was creating (the rocket fuel underneath the creative desire). And 2. I needed to be really gentle with myself during the creative process and not expose my newly created work to stringent critism while it was still fragile and new.

Secondly, you can see if what you’re doing can be done in a better way. I was trying to Ride Wild Donkeys with my Business, left-brain, logical, to-do list head on. Creation cannot be done by that part of me. Creation needs to be done by the intuitive, creative, fun side. As soon as the critical voice started wittering about “I shouldn’t be having fun” I realised that the creative part of me had been pushed aside by the pushy, bossy side. Thanks IC for that one, I’d have created NOTHING with that side in the driving seat!

And lastly, your inner critic sometimes just needs to be heard. After an hour or so of trying to push on through the barrage of unhelpful comments from my inner critic, I picked up the pen and my morning pages book and started to write. Once she’d had her say and I’d had a few ‘aha’s detailed above, she piped down. Her work was done, I refueled my creative tank by remembering WHY I wanted to create, I remembered to be gentle with myself in the creative process, I’d got the creative, fun side of me in the driving seat, and she’d said her piece. Like every part of us, that Critical Voice is doing her best, she has a positive intention, and if you remember to see her from that perspective, she will help you. Honest!

– Something to Play With –

What sets off your critical voice/inner critic? What makes her (or him) go bananas? What can you do to lessen the likelihood of that happening? Next time your Inner Critic goes bananas, notice what she can teach you, what she is trying to show you, let her speak (without taking it all personally – remember the blueberry!). Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave a comment below. Or pop over to my facebook page and leave a comment there.

Love

Donna.x