Do you ever find yourself infighting within yourself between your Inner Drill Sergeant – go, go, do, do, get shit done, nose to the grindstone, sleeping’s cheating – and your inner wise self – connected, wise, loving, calm, peaceful. Inner Drill Sergeant wants you to get on with stuff, regardless of how you feel or what you need (the way most of us who work for others have to work). Inner Wise Self wants us to breathe, slow down, connect, love ourselves, put self-care above any action on the to do list.
I found myself in a fight between them the other day. I had been to the dentist for a filling and gone straight back to work (coaching clients with my numb mouth and sounding like a drunk at 11am). After my clients I found myself just not wanting to work…and this dialogue began:
My wise self: sweetie, you need to rest. This morning was unsettling, disturbing, someone drilled inside your head, you were flooded with adrenaline and stress. Take it easy. Be gentle with you. Love yourself.
My inner drill sergeant: WTF? Are you kidding me? You had a filling – you’re not in pain, you’re just being a wuss. Get on with the to do list ffs and stop being such a fricking weakling.
Ouch. The thing was, I knew that the right thing to do was to listen to my inner wise self. After the dentist, I was upset and unsettled, and I needed time to just let that energy go. But my inner drill Sergeant was having NONE of it, barking at me, contemptuously shaming and scorning me, and making me feel feeble and inadequate. Not helpful.
And here’s the thing…when I go ahead and ‘pull myself up by my bootstraps’ and get on with the work, the work I do isn’t as good, and I don’t do as much as I would if I listened to what I neeeded and took care of myself. More gets done when I am cared for and feeling good. If I ‘push through’ I end up exhausted and ill.
And OK, I am aware that a trip to the dentist does not merit a week at a health spa…but perhaps it does merit just a little bit of self-love and self-care? What do you do when your Inner Drill Sergeant and Inner Wise Self clash? Does the loudest, most insulting side win? Or do you hear the whispers that say ‘be gentle with you’, ‘love yourself’, ‘take care of your needs’?
Too many of us let the bully within win. So here are ten tools to use when your inner drill Sergeant is kicking the shit out of your inner wisdom and self-love:
1. Get your journal out
Write about what’s going on with you. Ask why you’re resisting looking after yourself. Find the root of the problem. Maybe you think it’s weak to stop work. Maybe you fear being seen as ‘precious’ and feeble. Maybe you realise that you’re doing that Friday thing – ‘gotta get this done by the end of the week’…and you really don’t, cos you’ll be back at work on Monday and it’ll get done then. Writing about it will help you pinpoint what’s really going on.
2. Ask for help
Find some people to support you. Get a coach, get a buddy – not to hold you accountable for sticking to your to do list come what may, but to remind you to be true and loving to yourself. Find people who live the ‘wise self’ way and let them remind you that pushing yourself to breakdown is insanity, not success!
3. Take a break
Go watch some comedy, go for a walk, read a book, make a cuppa. Step away from the stressful space and clear your head. Often this is enough to help you realise your inner drill sergeant has got out of control and you just need to take care of you for a little while.
4. Get out of your head and into your body
Dance, do yoga, go for a walk, stretch. The inner drill sergeant usually comes entirely from your head…your heart doesn’t get a look in. So drop back into your body with something physical and allow yourself the time to notice how you feel and what you need.
5. Get outside
Let the sun restore you, ground yourself in the earth, let birdsong soothe you, let the wind caress your cheek, watch the clouds pass by, put your feet in the grass, get a Vitamin D fix. Let nature bring you back to you.
6. Let the Inner Drill Sergeant and Inner Wise Self talk
Write down the dialogue between the two. Let them talk to one another. It was when I wrote down my inner drill sergeant’s thoughts I realized how crazy they were. And how un-me they were. I teach self-care. I’m all about self-love. I know taking care of myself is way more efficient and effective at getting shit done than working til I drop (having experimented with the latter a lot…it really isn’t more efficient or effective).
7. Write about what helps you feel good
You guys know I often do blog posts about what I’m going through and what I’m learning as I go. I LOVE these things. I find them so helpful to go back to (last week I reread a series I wrote last year about finishing). It really helps to remind yourself what works for you, who you want to be and how you want to feel. Ironically, on the dentist day, I wanted to feel calm, peaceful and joyful. My inner drill sergeant clearly didn’t get the memo.
8. Breathe, Meditate, Take a Nap
Breathe deeply. Slow down. Get oxygen to your body and brain…it’ll help you make better choices. You know when your phone or laptop is behaving weirdly and you switch it off and on again? Breathing, meditation and naps do the same function for you. Even if you can only breathe for 30 seconds, let yourself reset.
9. Clear the energy
Smudge with sage, open the window, shake or dance it off, light a candle or oil burner. Ask your spiritual team what you need to do to clear any icky, pushy, drill sergeant, angry energy. If this isn’t something you usually do, this might sound woo-woo…but ignore that and do it anyway. It works.
10. Have some fun
Your inner drill sergeant is a humourless jackass. Fight him with laughter and fun. And I notice that when my inner drill sergeant is strong, it’s often when I’m not having that much fun (like going to the dentist…that was NO fun!) And when I lighten up, laugh, have some fun, Sergeant Jackass chills out and winds his neck in.
We’re all taught to get our heads down and work hard and do it from 9-5, no matter how we feel. We’re taught to ignore the needs of our body, mind, heart and soul in favour of our obligations. We’re taught that to take care of ourselves is selfish, to take time out is lazy. We’re taught to keep going until we get an illness or a nervous breakdown…and then we can prioritise our self-care and self-love because we have a REASON to.
WTF? This is INSANE.
Let’s relearn how we live and how we be. Let’s learn to be light and intuitive and loving. Let’s learn to hear our body, mind, heart and soul and take care of their needs first. Let’s learn that by taking care of ourselves we have more to give, and taking time out helps you work smarter. Let’s learn to stop before we get sick or get brain fry. Let’s learn that the reason to prioritise self-care and self-love is that it’s the right thing to do for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.
Not to do so is insane. So even if you feel a bit of a loser for needing some self-care just cos you got a measly little filling, do what you need anyway. Even if that drill sergeant is filling your head with insults and vitriol, take care of yourself anyway. Even if you secretly think that Type A is the way to go, listen to your inner knowing that it’s insanity and choose Type Be.
Choose to enjoy, to lighten up, to have fun, to rest, to cocoon, to pamper your precious self. Because the truth is that the better care of you that you take, the better you can DO. When you’re not frazzled, worn out, defeated, upset, discombobulated and freaked out, you can do and be better. It’s common sense, but only if you realise the inner drill sergeant is INSANE and put your inner wise self in charge.
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