Last week I was super excited – I had an epiphany from my “Fill What is Not Full” post – I realised this was the container for the book I’ve been mulling on for 8 years or so about self-care and other great foundations for a fabulous life. The excitement continued all week…with ideas raging through my head for this new book.
Until Friday, when I started to harvest articles from my blog on the topic (of which I expect there to be hundreds!)…
…And then…
…the wall…
…the fear…
…the first ‘is this any good’ of this phase…
…the ‘what the hell am I doing?’…
…the ‘I can’t do this’…
…the ‘OHMYGOD THIS IS GOING TO TAKE FOREVER AND IT HASN’T EVEN STARTED YET’!!
Creative turbulence had hit me like a truck
Luckily I’ve seen this before and know that…
– the wall is not real
– the fear will pass
– the ‘is this any good’ is a fear which will pass (and come back a few times)
– the ‘what the hell am I doing?’ is a fear which will pass (and come back a few times)
– the ‘OHMYGOD…etc’ is a fear which will pass (and come back a few times)
So I put the project aside for the weekend and left the fear alone to drain away.
And it has. Mostly. I’m sure it will come back again. There’ll be more fears to let go of, more panic to breathe through, more ‘OHMYGOD’s’ to navigate.
That’s the nature of the creative project.
The creative flight has a lot of turbulence…but once that turbulence eases, you can soar to dizzying heights of joyful creation…right up until the next bout of turbulence.
Don’t think I am minimising the turmoil and stress caused by creative turbulence – I am absolutely terrified of flying (and of turbulence in-flight)…but I am aware that turbulence on a plane is very rarely dangerous (See this Ask the Pilot answer for a comprehensive article on how undangerous it is).
And creative turbulence is the same. It feels awful, it’s scary, it makes you not want to fly ever again (just me?)…but it passes. Usually without any lasting ill effects other than the memory of the stress. (Which, like in-flight turbulence is usually disproportionate…and I say that as someone who STILL talks about the flight through a storm in 2005 so I know all about disproportionate reactions.)
So while the turbulence was easing over the weekend I decided that I’m going to document the process of writing this book. The highs and lows. The ups and downs. The fears and joys. For me, so next time I can SEE the process is full of wild swings of emotion, instead of just remembering it after I’ve been panicking about a little bit of turbulence. And for others, so they can see the process isn’t all roses and writing and flow.
I’ll be documenting it in the Creative Catalyst Circle, and in a document for myself to collect the lot – the story of the book so to speak.
I want to show myself (and others) that it’s normal to have fears. It’s normal to have ebbs and flows. It’s normal to have highs and lows (sometimes both in the same day). It’s normal for our creative callings to make us laugh and make us tremble and make us cry and make us confront fear and make us wild with delight. It’s normal to love your creation…and to hate it sometimes too.
The creative project that’s calling you will cleanse you of some self-doubt (and it appears it has to do that by lancing the boil, so to speak), it will shine a light on your fears, it will take you to dark places, it will challenge you.
But it will also delight you, and bring you joy, and fill your heart. It will also help you to achieve its creation and gain confidence. It will allow you to put that thing you want to do out in the world for others to enjoy. It will help you stop wondering ‘what if’ and delve into your creative powers.
The creative process is a rollercoaster. But it is so worth getting through those moments (that seem to last forever) of doubt and fear and challenge and stalling to get to the other side and see your creations DONE. No more wondering if you can do it, because you have. No more wondering what it will be like, because you have it. No more not being able to share it with those who need it, because you created it.
What creative project is calling you right now? Is there a book wanting to be written? An art project looking to be played with? A product you want to make? Is it time for you to jump on that rollercoaster?
If it is…what will you do this week to take one step forward? (If you don’t know where to start, comment below and tell me about your project and I’ll help you get moving on it!) Go take that step – answer that creative calling and ride out the turbulence until you get to the wonderful soaring and flying!
And if you’re ready (and even if you’re not, but want to get some inspiration or follow the story of my new book), come and join the Creative Catalyst Circle and share your creative journey, turbulence and all.
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