I was talking to a client the other day who’d had a good meeting with a new client, they were happy the client had got a lot from it, they had enjoyed it…but then they started second-guessing, undermining and taking away from themselves.
Yeah it might have gone well, but they should have gone deeper, been better, had a ‘life-changing’ meeting.
The best in the biz would have left the client sobbing on the floor with joy at the depth of life-changing experience, right?
Jeez…talk about pissing on your bonfire.
In her defence, she was tired. Normally she doesn’t deliberately tear herself down. Still, it was good to really experience that this second-guessing and undermining wasn’t helpful, didn’t feel good…and ultimately did it work? Did it make her better at her work?
No. It pissed her off, made her insecure, uneasy, uncertain. She started to lose faith in herself and feel bad about the wonderful work she’s doing in the world.
And I know she’s not alone in doing this to herself. It’s a conversation I have with clients often. I’ve done it myself.
But it doesn’t work. It doesn’t help. Magnificence does not come from criticism, shame and put downs.
Don’t detract from your success, add to it.
Be on your team, on your side, in your corner, not barracking from the sidelines.
If you want to be better, you don’t kick down the walls you’ve built already, you build them higher.
ADD to your awesomeness.
There’s nothing wrong with noticing an area for improvement, but you don’t need to tear down the good work you’ve done already to make those improvements.
Your original awesomeness PLUS fabulous additions = magnificence.
Your original awesomeness MINUS the good you’d done, destroyed by criticism PLUS “do it better next time shithead” = mediocre at best/zero self-esteem at worst.
You deserve better from yourself. You deserve to build yourself up, not tear yourself down. We all want to be bigger, better, faster, stronger, but you don’t get there by destabilising yourself. You don’t get there by being critical. You don’t get there by undermining yourself.
I’m not talking about ignoring any opportunity for improvement or pretending you’re a genius in all ways (that’s arrogance, not magnificence) but giving yourself the chance to build on what you’ve got – we can all learn, expand, grow and get better. We just don’t need to do it by criticising and insulting ourselves.
Related posts
