WARNING! This article contains swearing…if you don’t like bad language, please read no further!
Last week, I posted about the gap between fantasy and reality, and shared some of the problems I’ve had since I’ve been here in Tenerife. There are those who think I should not share this stuff, either from some odd belief about ‘keeping a stiff upper lip’ (sod that, if I have a wobbly bottom lip, I’m going to share it), or because they believe I should be perfect. I ain’t never gonna be perfect (but you have no idea how much I itch to edit that sentence…my inner grammar Dictator is going skitz right now).
I know that some life coaches and personal development bods like to present a public face of perfection, like they never ever ever have a problem and if a ‘challenge’ arises, they will rise above it with grace, aplomb and really white teeth. What bollocks. Perfection doesn’t exist. Everyone has bad days. Let me say that again. EVERYONE has bad days. Yes, some people will deal with them more easily than others, and that’s what we want to do, just get better and better at the business of life.
But to pretend perfection is nonsense, and a little sinister. It leaves people feeling isolated and as if there is something wrong with them because they are not perfect. But there isn’t. We’re all dealing with our own shit, with varying degrees of success. And I for one, am drawn to people who share their darkness as well as their light, people who confess to being imperfect, people who can teach me and mentor me and coach me BETTER because they know what it is to fuck up, to feel vulnerable, to be afraid, to hesitate. Plastic, pretend, perfect people just leave me cold, because I don’t believe in them.
I am surprised at how often I see the question “is it just me?” Is it just me who feels vulnerable? Is it just me who gets scared? Is it just me who is having a wobble? Is it just me who has struggles? Is it just me who wonders if it’ll ever happen for me? Nope, nope, nope. It’s not just you. Everyone has times when they feel vulnerable, or afraid, or wobbles, or struggles, or loses faith. Everyone.
But the trouble is, so many of us go around pretending to be superwoman, putting on the public face, the stiff upper lip, when inside we are screaming. Well it’s time to stop this bullshit way of living. You’re human. You’re allowed to feel vulnerable when you do something new and scary. You’re allowed to feel fear. You’re allowed to fuck up. You can even fuck up mightily if you so choose. You’re allowed to experience the full range of what it means to be human.
If you pretend to be perfect, you miss out on the joy that comes with sharing a confidence and having a friend say “yeah, me too!” You miss out on the relief of expressing your inner experience, and you miss out on the wealth of wisdom that exists on how to get past whatever you’re experiencing. Of course you don’t want to stay in the vulnerable, fearful place, but you can move past it much quicker if you share and ask for help…or just share and give help.
You probably know someone who is struggling right now, who just ‘doesn’t want to bother’ people, or feels the need to present a strong upper lip to the world. How lonely must that be? To be struggling, alone, wondering if they are they only one who…whatever it is. It might even be you. If so, stop trying to be Superwoman. Allow yourself to be helped. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Allow yourself to be human. And let other people see your vulnerability, your fear, your uncertainty, so we can all stop hiding behind this public bullshit perfect facade.
Oh, and PS, in the spirit of showing imperfection, I haven’t always practiced what I’m preaching here…last year I had a big wobble, and didn’t reach out for help…so my friend told me she’d beat me up if I did it again! Sometimes all you need is a little incentive to reach out for help…there’s mine!
Love
Donna.x
Comments
22 responses to “Stop Pretending to Be Superwoman”
Thanks Rachel. Lol – I think most of us do, and it’s only when we realise we can’t do it all that we’re able to give our attention to what is ours to do! And as you share vulnerability, it gets way less scary because usually loads of people say ‘hey, me too’! x
Thanks Cassandra – I know what a difference it made to me when I found people who were totally honest about the good and the bad, it made me feel less of an eff up! So, I do the same in the hope others will realise they’re not alone too! x
I appreciate your honesty in all your posts. It’s refreshing to witness the dark and light in people’s lives and I honor anyone who can just say eff it and share with the world.
Love this post Donna!
I suffer from a bit of superwoman syndrome!
And I’m constantly getting better at accepting all my imperfections – including not being a complete zen master.
Sometimes it’s scary to show our vulnerability, but they are the moments in which we can connect most with other people. We’re all human and we can relate to those times of openess and the need to feel loved.
Thanks for the reminder!
Rachel X
Thanks Shan. It’s such a weird thing isn’t it? It’s so unreal and 2 dimensional! Lol – glad you enjoyed that, it gave me a chuckle writing that line too! x
This post is something that should be shouted from the rooftops, Donna. It’s so easy to get sucked into the imagery of never having any problems or issues and feeling as though there’s something weird about you if you admit that you have them. *shock, gasp, horror!*
I particularly loved your description of perfect people rising above things with grace, aplomb and really white teeth. It gave me a good laugh. Thank you 🙂 xx
In general, so do I, but not to the point that I become an unreal person with never a problem. x
Good for you being brave enough to share. I do try to present a positive image via my blog but that is my choice. I would never expect anyone else to do the same.
Sarah @ A Cat-Like Curiosity
Thanks Sam! x
This is great! So true about some coaches trying to put on a perfection, we all have days that are not great!
Absolutely Sibylle – it’s such a myth that perfection is attractive. It’s not, it’s weird…and like you say people spot the BS! x
Lol. EXACTLY! Oh that made me laugh KisahLynn – I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that’s suspicious! x
Thanks Nela! Yes, it’s so tough to live up to idealistic, impossible expectations, and the more ivory towers we pierce, the more everyone can relax into being imperfect!! 😀
I’m with you on being authentic and non-perfect online.
I find that a lot of people think I have my shit together because of a fraction of my life they witnessed, and it’s a huuuuuge pressure to keep that illusion up. I refuse to do it. I refuse to live up to their expectations.
Yes, people should be more real.
Yes, people should admit that they don’t always do the right thing.
Because there are people who look up to you and will be relieved when they see it’s not just them.
So thank you for doing your part and sharing your story! 🙂
It helps to make mistakes. People need to see that you’re human! It also gives others a chance to help you which makes THEM feel better. Even as a life coach or similar helper, there’s something suspicious about someone who never descends from the clouds to look around and say: THIS SHIT IS HARD! 🙂
Sooooo agree with this! Nothing is more exhausting than trying to present a perfect facade to the world – because that’s what it is, a facade, as no living person is always poised and happy and has their shit together.
Sharing what isn’t working, sharing the low times, makes people relate to you. And people aren’t stupid: they know when they’re being BS-ed, and most will take an authentic not-so-great sharing over a toothy false smile any day 🙂
Thanks Cindie! <3 Glad you learned that a big smile and white teeth aren’t enough! x
Dang. LOL. What an awesome post! I learned my lesson about asking for support the hard way (by attempting to struggle through something awful alone, with a big smile – ugh – and LOL at your “with perfectly white teeth” line!!). I’m really thankful that you shared this. xo
Thanks Jeanne! The first time I worked with a coach who was real and raw, I thought I’d gone to heaven! Rather than aspiring to someone else’s (unattainable) perfection, you get to polish your own diamond, flaws and all! Glad you connected to the same truth! x
Hi Donna,
Thank you for posting this! I was talking about this very topic with a friend yesterday.. and we both agreed that we would much rather connect or work with someone who is open and authentic about ALL of their stuff!
Bravo,
Jeanne
Thanks Linda! x
Perfection is an illusion. We all have our challenges and off days. I’m glad you show this to the World.