A few weeks ago as part of Allison Crow‘s Share Your Heart, Show Your Work challenge, I had a chat with my 99 year old self. The first question was “What is she wearing?”
Picture Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey to get an idea of what my 99 year old self is like – feisty, direct, and does not suffer fools…at all, never mind gladly.
I got an image in my head of her fixing me with a penetrating stare as she said, with some asperity “What on earth does that have to do with anything?”
She was actually quite cross about the question, not because she dressed badly, but because she considered the question an utter irrelevance. And she is adding now “At 99, I do not have time to discuss irrelevancies”.
And this attitude of impatience with irrelevancies has stuck with me over the past weeks. I found myself criticising (in my head) someone’s outfit the other day, and quickly reminded myself that A. It’s none of my business and B. It’s an irrelevance.
Who a person is and what they do is far more important than the clothes they wear.
This shifted perspective has also benefitted me personally – as I work from home, I tend to dress more for comfort than style. And occasionally, I will forget that I am not dressed for “the outside world” and just pop out, with unbrushed hair and clothes that are scruffy.
I did this recently, and after that horrified moment of realisation, my 99 year old self popped up again…
“So What?” she said.
Not that she wants me to go out looking like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards every day…but if I do it once (maybe twice), what does it matter? As long as it is not a symptom of depression or self-loathing (it’s not, it’s a symptom of being a Dolly Daydream with my head in the clouds), who really cares?
It’s an irrelevance.
And it got me thinking about all the things that we worry about that really don’t matter.
How many things that undermine our self-confidence that really don’t matter.
How many times we criticise ourselves (and others) for things that really don’t matter.
You may never leave the house with less than a full face of make up and your best, most stylish outfit on (and if so, I applaud your style). But I wonder if there are other things that you worry about now that 99 year old you would consider an utter irrelevance.
Just like there were things you worried about as a teenager that your now self smiles indulgently about and wonders why it was so significant at the time.
Why not ask your 99 year old self if there is anything you currently worry, stress or drive yourself crazy over that she thinks is an irrelevance?
I did, and with majestic sarcasm, 99 year old me replied “99% of it darling”.
Imagine if you could let go of 99% of the things you currently stress and worry and get upset over?! Just imagine.
But my 99 year old self is also pretty pragmatic, and is suggesting that rather than aiming for releasing 99% of the irrelevancies I worry over, I start with 1%. And I invite you to do the same. Find just one small thing that 99 year old you knows is utterly unimportant, and let it go. It’s an irrelevance, don’t waste any more of your precious life on it.