In May we had Feeling Good month in the Fall in Love With Life group, so I got thinking about the limits and barriers we have to feeling good.
The previous month I did my 3rd Joy Challenge with Amina Mahkdoom Lynch. Last year I hit a glass ceiling of joy – like there was only so much joy I could cope with!
This year I didn’t hit that barrier – but when doing some energy work (around activating good energies) I discovered a glass ceiling on appreciation.
It was more like a greenhouse to be honest – my ability to experience appreciation was boxed in.
How weird?!
And yet I know a lot of people experience this – there is an invisible limit to the amount of good feeling they’ll allow themselves.
I came across it again on Monday. I’m doing an experiment this week and next – do what I want to do. On Monday I didn’t want to do anything except snooze and read.
So of course, up came those good worker-bee feelings of shame, laziness, naughtiness.
Funny how I never second guess or judge myself when what I want to do is constructive and work-related!
Isn’t it odd though? When you think about it, why do we have these glass ceilings? Why do we only allow ourselves a certain amount of joy, self-care, appreciation, doing what we want, self-love, happiness, good feeling?
And conversely why is OK for us to work ourselves into the ground, experience high amounts of stress, push ourselves to illness and exhaustion, and do what we perceive we have to do whether we’re able for it or not?
It’s the accepted way of the world, but I think we need to start questioning it. I think we need to start pushing our boundaries of feeling good.
I think we need to smash those glass ceilings and greenhouses boxing us in. I think we need to start questioning why on earth we live in a society that praises people who work themselves to death, and criticises those who enjoy their lives.
We’re not going to unravel all these attitudes and prejudices instantly, but if we can just disentangle ourselves from a few of those judgements that bind us to misery, stress, and illness that’d be an excellent start.
As an aside, I actually wasn’t well on Monday. I was fatigued (which is more like being unplugged than tired). Once I felt better, I was able to get on with my 4-mile long toodle do list.
Not that it should matter – I might have just wanted a lazy day, and in the final analysis, would that be such a bad thing?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I don’t think I will reach the end of my days wishing I had worked more and had less fun.
I suspect I will wonder why I took life so seriously, why I pushed myself, why I allowed myself to be limited by glass ceilings on joy and appreciation.
So I am working on smashing all that glass hemming me in. And if you’d like to join me, here are 3 tips for you:
1. Let it be easy.
I may say smash that glass, but what I’m actually doing is gently leaning against the edge of my comfort zone, and noticing what resistance comes up. Don’t make it hard on yourself. 1% change is still change, and if you change 1% every 2 days, in 6 months you’ve doubled (or more) your ability to feel joy/appreciation/love/laziness/whatever.
2. Be deliberate about it
During Joy Challenge, we deliberately did things that gave us joy for a month. This month in the Fall in Love With Life group, we’re deliberately doing things that feel good. It’s all too easy to forget to have fun, do self-care, experience joy in our busy fun-deprived, under-joyed, self-care-less lives. So pick one thing and deliberately do more of it for a month.
3. Bring your fears out in the open
As you gently stretch your comfort zone, you will encounter resistance and fear. On my lazy day, I found beliefs that people would think I was lazy (note to self: what other people think of me is none of my business), that I should work (I couldn’t answer the question why though), that one lazy day would make me a good-for-nothing layabout (huh?!). Let those fears come out and be seen.
Some of them (the last one of mine for example), will dissolve as you look at them thinking ‘what the what?’. Some will need you to sit with them to see if they’re true (I should work…why? Can’t answer that, so perhaps not true!?). Some will remind you what you already know (other people’s opinions on my life are nothing to do with me).
As they unravel, as you explore them, you will find you have a greater ability to stretch that comfort zone, and eventually, those beliefs and restrictions will shatter.
I refer again to tip 1: let it be easy. You don’t have to spend hours confronting your beliefs and stressing over it – just notice, question, consider, ponder, perhaps even mull…and let them loosen their grip on you.
And should you need help with this, check out coaching options with me. I’d love to help you with this, because the more I think about it, the more insane it seems to me that we put limits on enjoying our one and only life.
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