Let’s talk botherations – things that bother you. I first learnt this concept from a coach about 15 years ago…he called them ‘tolerations’, but that word always bothered me! And I’ve been trying to find a better (to me) way to say it since then. In a session with a client last week, I finally found it…botherations!
Those things that bother you. The leaky tap, the sagging mattress, the messy desk, the doodad that you said you’d fix (and then stuck in a drawer for 6 months), the unpaid bills, the car that needs a wash, the pen that fell down the back of a bookcase, the borrowed item you need to return.
We often ‘put up with’ things because they seem unimportant, not a priority, something to do ‘tomorrow’. This is a dangerous road though – especially to the stressed! These little things that bother you are sneaky – unimportant one day, then suddenly they become the straw that broke the camel’s back.
We’ve all been there haven’t we? Suddenly we explode in a fury, burst into tears, threaten to walk out of the door, start ranting at our colleagues and partners. Is it over the big stuff? The threatened mortgage payments, the job uncertainty? No. It’s about the wobbly front step, or the fact that somebody stole your paperclips!
Picture a piggy bank that has a pound dropped in it every time something bothers you. How quickly does the piggy bank fill up? For example, I am bothered by the clutter on my desk, which irritates me every time I go to look for something.
Every time. That’s about 12 times a day I get irritated about it. £12 a day, £84 a week, £336 a month! Oh my goodness. Suddenly it’s not so unimportant. It’s a priority. Perhaps it would be ok if there was nothing else bothering me, but when you factor the other botherations into the equation, you are looking at £millions.
The energy you put into ignoring the things that bother you (and saying “later”, “tomorrow”, “must do that”, “shit, shoulda done that”, “bollocks, I STILL haven’t sorted that”) is wasted energy…and it takes a lot of effort to ignore what’s bothering you.
Hold a pen up in front of you and slightly to the side. Now try and ignore that pen. You have to block out a huge amount of the visible space to ignore that one thing. The same happens in our brains when we are letting botherations build up. Eventually the tower of stress will drive you crazy!
Years ago, I used to do a stress management workshop, and botherations were at the heart of my stress management plan. It is truly amazing how much energy is freed up by dealing with those little, seemingly unimportant things that are slowly driving you round the bend. Workshop participants (and clients) were always surprised by how much better they felt (calmer, happier, more productive) when they sorted out just a few of the things bothering them.
So make a list of things that are bothering you – include the little things, like a piece of paper that needs filing, or an appointment you need to make. Include the medium things, like the clutter or the car that needs the tyres checked. Include the big things, like the big bill you don’t know how you’ll pay or the job problems you have.
Don’t think too much about it, just make a quick list. Whenever I’ve done this with clients, they can usually come up with 20 things in a few minutes without giving it too much thought. I merely need to glance around my office to find a myriad of things irritating, annoying and bothering me. Don’t make it too much of a chore, you can always add to it later when you think of more botherations (and you will).
Once your list is done, pick the EASIEST thing off the list and sort it. Do the same tomorrow, and the next day…until you start getting to things you cannot easily fix. Once you get there, do a small action towards getting them fixed – eg put £1 aside for the big bill (even if it’s for £thousands); make an effort to be smiley at work, even if you feel like screaming.
1% progress is still progress. So aim to make a little progress on those bigger botherations. Easily, smoothly, effortlessly. And watch your energy rise, your stress levels drop and your frown lines disappear (well, that one is debatable, but it will make you frown less!)
Botheration lists are MAGIC. In the past, I have made a list, forgotten about it, and then found it again 2 weeks later to discover that most of the botherations have been dealt with…even the ones I had no idea how to fix. Clients have also found the same magic…as they sort out the easy stuff, the difficult stuff gets handled. (My favourite being the arsehole boss who was tranferred, totally out of the blue.)
The list I began 2 weeks ago has items on it that I’d been leaving for 6 months, 2 months, 3 weeks – they’re now sorted. Easily, effortlessly…and on a couple of occasions, I just found myself sorting the botherations without any conscious thought about it whatsoever.
So go, get rid of some botherations…and let me know how you get on (I love magic botheration stories!).
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